Friday, March 13, 2015

My Thoughts on March 13, 2015

Today is three years since my Darling Waverly died, and my mind is flooded with thoughts an mixed emotions.

Last night at my weekly Bible Study, the message was that we should embrace the pressure that comes our way, because God put it upon is to bring us closer to the anointing. 

This morning, I was at Sand Lake Imaging at 6:30 a.m. for my annual mammogram, and after I survived the Medieval mammogram machine, I wondered if I had "embraced the pressure" and moved a step closer to my "anointing." I suspect the message was deeper than that, but it gave me a silent chuckle.

When I left the place, though, daylight had appeared and I realized I was a block from Dr. Phillips Hospital, where Waverly died exactly three years ago. My heart beat faster, but I quickly dried the few tears that fell as I drove home. I chose to gaze at the beautiful sky, and my disposition changed. 

In the quiet time during which I drove to my home, I reflected on what it means to "embrace God's pressure," and not run from it or complain about it. I've only made significant strides in my spiritual growth since losing my Waverly, probably because I was so comfortable on his arm. Our world was intimate, and in retrospect, I think some of our closeness may have been to the exclusion of important parts of our faith.

When I wrote FINDING HUMOR IN GRIEF, the major question for me was to ask God why I couldn't fulfill my purpose on this earth while standing next to Waverly. I am realizing slowly that He has answered my question. I needed to grow in a direction that had been thwarted by the love, peace and happiness that Waverly and I enjoyed for decades. This was a personal, singular growth that God was, and is requiring of me because I was not understanding my "assignment" for this phase of my life. I understand it now!

I may shed another few tear when speaking to relatives and close friends today, but I like what my daughter, Alicia said -- this day will never be as important as our birthdays and anniversaries. The days to remember will be the ones marking our existence or milestones in our lives. March 13th is the day I believe Waverly got to see God's face.  I aspire to a time of perfect peace and no pain, so I must embrace the pressures, big and small, to prove myself worthy of a climb to a higher level of ascending the mountain.

I'm in a good place, now that I've sorted my feelings and pushed past my natural emotions to a place of purpose and calm. I'm grateful for the pressure!

Fondly,
Dr. Ruth

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