FINDING HUMOR IN GRIEF

Dr. Ruth L. Baskerville

Introduction

My husband, Waverly Lee Baskerville, Jr. died on March 13, 2012. We had been married for almost forty-five years, which meant that I had not just lost the company of my one true love, but I was also lost! We were each other’s best friends for our entire adult lives. Whatever one of us thought to do was filtered through the lens of what we knew about the other’s desires.

I thought it impossible to survive without him because there were too many tasks, decisions, plans that he alone managed. Dividing responsibilities is typical in long-term relationships, and couples are supposed to view each other as if the union will remain “awhile longer,” if not “forever.”

As I shared with family and close friends my struggle to accomplish a myriad of left-brain tasks previously foreign to me, they laughed heartily. They called my stories “hilarious,” though my retort was, “I don’t see what’s so funny!”

I saw that grief did have a funny side, and the title of my book came to me: FINDING HUMOR IN GRIEF.

Each segment tells a different aspect of my journey to successfully function without Waverly. I reveal my intimate thoughts and actions in a stream-of-conscience writing style, rather than to tell my story in chronological order. I don’t think anyone will be confused.  

Most experiences I recount are highly amusing to all readers, but for those times when I found no humor, I created a chapter called “Mama Said There’d Be Days Like This.” Writing this book was cathartic for me, but I also wanted to connect with readers who are mourning like I am. Humor is excellent medicine for the ailing mind, body and soul.

I apologized to a dear friend for naively thinking that grieving over the loss of her husband was something that diminished in time. I foolishly likened her grief to a wound that looked awfully painful at first, but got better each day until only a tiny scar remained. I now know that these distinct scars will never disappear, and that coping with grief is the only way to find a measure of happiness again. It’s called a “new normal.”

I’ve learned that grief is like a roller coaster, where the ride never ends, and the goal is to find the courage to let go your grip of the safety bar and raise your arms high in the air, as you “free fall” with confidence that you’ll land safely, in your right mind.