My Thoughts on March 13, 2015

Today is three years since my Darling Waverly died, and my mind is flooded with thoughts an mixed emotions.

Last night at my weekly Bible Study, the message was that we should embrace the pressure that comes our way, because God put it upon is to bring us closer to the anointing. 

This morning, I was at Sand Lake Imaging at 6:30 a.m. for my annual mammogram, and after I survived the Medieval mammogram machine, I wondered if I had "embraced the pressure" and moved a step closer to my "anointing." I suspect the message was deeper than that, but it gave me a silent chuckle.

When I left the place, though, daylight had appeared and I realized I was a block from Dr. Phillips Hospital, where Waverly died exactly three years ago. My heart beat faster, but I quickly dried the few tears that fell as I drove home. I chose to gaze at the beautiful sky, and my disposition changed. 

In the quiet time during which I drove to my home, I reflected on what it means to "embrace God's pressure," and not run from it or complain about it. I've only made significant strides in my spiritual growth since losing my Waverly, probably because I was so comfortable on his arm. Our world was intimate, and in retrospect, I think some of our closeness may have been to the exclusion of important parts of our faith.

When I wrote FINDING HUMOR IN GRIEF, the major question for me was to ask God why I couldn't fulfill my purpose on this earth while standing next to Waverly. I am realizing slowly that He has answered my question. I needed to grow in a direction that had been thwarted by the love, peace and happiness that Waverly and I enjoyed for decades. This was a personal, singular growth that God was, and is requiring of me because I was not understanding my "assignment" for this phase of my life. I understand it now!

I may shed another few tear when speaking to relatives and close friends today, but I like what my daughter, Alicia said -- this day will never be as important as our birthdays and anniversaries. The days to remember will be the ones marking our existence or milestones in our lives. March 13th is the day I believe Waverly got to see God's face.  I aspire to a time of perfect peace and no pain, so I must embrace the pressures, big and small, to prove myself worthy of a climb to a higher level of ascending the mountain.

I'm in a good place, now that I've sorted my feelings and pushed past my natural emotions to a place of purpose and calm. I'm grateful for the pressure!

Fondly,

Dr. Ruth

Dr. Ruth's Observations About Her "Widow's Austerity Budget"

Dr. Ruth's Observations About Her "Widow's Austerity Budget"

I gave some attention in my book FINDING HUMOR IN GRIEF to the fact that, once my husband, Waverly died, my household income was significantly diminished. I remained the lady of the house, but became the housekeeper, groundskeeper, pool boy, and head chef. Yes, I cried the fist time I fell into the pool trying to clean it the way the pool service had done. Through audible, tearful mumblings, I told God, "I liked Waverly's World better.

What have I learned these two and a half years? To begin with, I now know the precise locations of the lights in both the refrigerator and the freezer because neither is packed so full of foodstuffs that the light is obscured. I no longer have tupperware tubs filled with unidentifiable items that sprouted multi-colored mold while waiting to be eaten. No, no, that tupperware is filled with easily identifiable items I call tomorrow night's dinner!

I've become a math whiz in my mind. For example, while traveling to work three days before payday, I can concentrate on traffic patterns around me, while calculating the number of miles between work and home, multiplied by the number of gallons of gas I have available. In an instant, I know whether to rub my brow in silence or find a happy radio station. The other day, I filled my large gas tank to the brim, and when I returned the pump handle to its cradle, I thought I heard a burp! More than once I've threatened my vehicle by saying it could be replaced by a horse and a bucket of feed! Still, the words flashing across the screen next to my steering column continue to say, "Please refuel -- right now!"

With joy in my heart and a humble spirit, I've learned to enjoy "Ruth's Reality" a-l-m-o-s-t as much as I loved "Waverly's World."