Excerpt without humor, from FINDING HUMOR IN GRIEF

- by Dr. Ruth L. Baskerville

The day before what would have been my forty-fifth wedding anniversary was the second most tear-filled day since Waverly died. I awoke that morning, kneeling for my usual prayer thanking God for another day. But before I could utter a word, I started sobbing and shouting, "So what's next? What happens now? What is it that you want me to do alone that I couldn’t do with Waverly, God What do you want of me? WHAT?!!"

I know we're not supposed to talk to God like that, but the "one day-one blessing at a time" thing wasn't working for me. Wasn’t I able to fulfill my divine purpose in life while standing next to Waverly? I went from my parents’ home to my husband’s home, so God must have known I wasn’t meant to be alone! What was He thinking?

I never thanked Him for my daily blessings, and I never prayed for anyone else that day. I must have shown the minimum respect by saying "Amen," but cried getting dressed and walking Lucky. I cried because I couldn't find the Staples coupon for the ink cartridge I needed, and then because I couldn't find one sneaker. I made it a point to keep busy with a number of tasks, but wiped away the steady stream of tears while doing them all. I got angry with myself because I made my eyes puffy, and then I cried about that.

I involuntarily knelt down by the living room coffee table sometime before dinner, loudly asking God questions in rapid succession. “Did you take Waverly because his work was done, or because you had something for me to do that I would never see until he was gone from me? Couldn’t you have given me a sign, despite the HOLY BIBLE saying ‘we know not the hour of our death,’ or something like that? I wasn’t ready! If You never make mistakes, God, then help me to make sense of this. I need Waverly, I want to hold him and kiss him – just one more time, OK? I want to say goodbye to my ‘Darling Forever’ until we meet again.”

By late evening, I felt terrible about the way I had behaved all day. God could have sent me a stern message, borrowing a line in the movie, Taxi Driver: “You talkin’ ta ME?” I owed Him a more gracious prayer that night, and I knew I had better pray for someone besides my sorry self! Tomorrow would be better.

I knelt down and bowed my head, thanking God especially for this day that tested my faith, understanding and patience. I thanked Him for the profusion of love from my family and friends, and for allowing me almost forty-five years with my true love. I thanked God for taking Waverly so quickly and painlessly, without his lingering or experiencing discomfort or losing his dignity.